


In which  John realizes that he's gay and in love with his best friend

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Brief Mention of Suicide, M/M, Others characters later, References to Suicide, no extreme talking of suicide only a few sentences, nothing big though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-18
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-12 09:52:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all. But you might be surprised at who helps him realize that he is. It's not Dave and the character won't be added until they are revealed in the story but you guys will figure it out pretty easily. Hehehehe</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confusion of the Present, Sadness of the Past

You wake up for school, and smell chocolate in the air. You love chocolate, but you hate anything baked so the scent somewhat repels you. It makes you not want to go downstairs. Then you remember that if you don't, you can’t see him. The one person that makes you feel so nice but, at the same time so confused.

You get up and put on a white shirt and white shorts. You walk out of your room and the scent is even stronger; it makes you feel sick. You somehow manage to get to the bathroom down the hall though without dropping dead.

And it’s a motherfuckin' miracle.

You brush your teeth, wash your face, and after you put on your glasses you head downstairs. You grab your backpack and walk into the kitchen. Your dad turns and smiles, “Good morning, John."

You smile back, the braces slightly cutting the inside of your lip. "Morning, Dad. I thought I'd grab my lunch before I head off to school." He hands you the lunch you made yourself last night and pulls you in for a hug.

"I'll see you after school, Dad."

"Okay, just don't be home too late today..."

" _Dad_."

He laughs and sends you on your way. Then there he is. The one person that makes you feel so light headed you could ride the wind, but at the same time makes you feel like time has stopped around you.

Dave Strider. One of the coolest kids in school, and he's your best friend. You honestly feel blessed.

You were friends with him even before he was the coolest kid. You know him better than anyone else (with the exception of your friends Rose and Jade, but they live in different states).

"Sup Egbert." You smile like you do every morning when he greets you.

"Nothing much. How about you?"

"Well I'm walking with you to school like I do every morning. If that counts."

You laugh and tell him that it doesn't, and you're both on your way. The highschool is only a little bit farther from your house. When you get inside you part ways to go to your lockers.

You open yours, and a red post-it note falls out onto the floor. You bend down and pick it up. When you read it though, you don't know what to think.

_I KNOW THAT YOU'RE GAY. YOU HAVEN'T COME OUT YET, BUT LOOK, IF YOU'RE READY TO COME OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE THEN MEET ME ON THE STEPS IN FRONT OF SCHOOL ON SATURDAY. 3:30._

_< 3 -XYZ_

You aren't going to go. You won’t go because you’re not gay, and because it's probably just a prank, where you show up then they exploit it to the whole school or something. It still makes your stomach ache though. You think you might like Dave in that kind of way.... but you're not gay.

Or, rather, you don't think you are. ...Is there a way to know?

You mull these types of ideas through your head as you pick up your textbooks. As the bell rings, you get into homeroom for attendance.

Through the entire day you can't stop thinking about that note. Not even Dave can distract you when you sit next to him at lunch.You arrive at the table before his fangirls have a chance to fill it, and he manages to get a good look at you.

"What's up?" Your melancholy must have been showing. Somehow your thoughts lead back to your mom, and that's just a touchy subject for you to even think about, let alone talk about.

"It's nothing,” you lie poorly while shaking your head.

"Bullshit it's nothing. So what's up?"

You shove your hand into your pocket and thumb the note. You leave it and say, "We can talk about it later, not here, though. Not at school."

"Okay man. But as soon as possible you're telling me about what's got you so dow-" He stops, so you look at him and he looks like he regrets bringing it up. It surprises you a little that you're seeing emotion from him.

"Oh god. I'm sorry I'm being a dick. Today's the day your mom left you and your dad, isn't it?" It's actually tomorrow, but for now it's a good cover. You could even tell him and you'd be able to get away with it.

"Y-yeah." Even though you're only thinking about it, it saddens you. The stutter was from lying. This is the first time since you've been friends that you've lied to him about something this important.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up like that. It completely slipped my mind."

"It's okay, it's not like you did it on purpose." This is making your stomach turn. You feel sick but if you go home now you won't be able to hang out with him later.

This is the one day that you get to actually sit in his lap and cry. Well, you can for about three, then when he needs you to be there for the few days he's an emotional wreck, you return the favor.

He's had to go home early before because of it. Though his brother isn't the best sympathizer. It's the day that Dave found their parents dead. You've both taken days off for it before. You took off so you could be with him. So he could have a shoulder to cry on and a lap to sit in.

The rest of lunch is silent between you two. Then somehow you manage to get through the rest of the day. (You were only half paying attention though.)

When you go back to your locker at the end of the day to grab your backpack another red post-it note slips out of your locker.

_HEY, I GUESS SORRY TO DROP THE BOMB THAT I KNEW ON SUCH AN AWFUL DAY FOR YOU. BUT I'LL STILL BE THERE ON SATURDAY IF YOU WANT TO TALK OR AT LEAST KNOW WHO I AM. THIS ISN'T SOME KIND OF PRANK EITHER, I PROMISE YOU I'VE ACTUALLY LOVED YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW. I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU LIKE THAT. I KNOW YOU HAVE DAVE TO RELY ON TO BE THERE FOR YOU SINCE YOU GUYS ARE BEST FRIENDS. I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE, THOUGH. I'LL BE THERE FROM 3:30 TO ABOUT 5:30 IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP. BUT IF YOU DO I'LL STAY LONGER WITH YOU._

_< 3 -XYZ_

Maybe you'll go with Dave to see who this is. And if it does turn out to be a malicious prank you can rule it out as a little walk with him for a change of scenery and lightening of mood. Yeah, that should do.

You get outside and you walk right past your house. The car isn't in the driveway, so he's still at work. He'll know where you are because if you aren’t home during these few days you always go to Dave's. The tears start falling. Your handprint and your mom's handprint are side by side on the mailbox. It hurts seeing it but at the same time you would never want to get rid of it. It's the last thing you have to remember her by.

Dave puts his arm around you and rubs your left arm. He gets what it's like to lose parents.

When you get inside his apartment you break down crying. He helps you to the couch and you basically collapse into him. Your face buried in his chest, body half in his lap, his arms firmly wrapped around you, and his face buried in your hair when his brother walked in.


	2. Even in His Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switching over to Dave's point of view for this chapter. Hope he and his brother aren't too out of character.

You're holding John close to you and just letting him cry his eyes out. God you wish he never had to deal with this kind of pain. You wish you could take it all away. Make it all better.

The same way you wish you could cuddle him at night and kiss him till the sunrise.

You love him, and anyone who has a problem with that can kindly go fuck themselves. You haven't told him, since you don't want to freak him out.

But now your brother has walked in, and John doesn't seem like he's going to stop crying. Your brother smirks. He knows you too well.

He also knows that John only does this surrounding the anniversary of his mom leaving. He sits down next to you on the couch and just stares at you two. John sniffles and looks up. "Hey."

He's still crying, and your shirt is wet where his eyes were. His glasses came off when you collided with the couch. The tears give his eyes a tragic kind of sparkle.

"Sup kid. That time of the year again?"

John wraps his arms around you, his head reconnecting with your chest. He nods. “Yeah." His tone is so downcast it hurts. This happens every year. Eventually he'll be able to get over it though. Like his dad did.

"Dave here can relate. At least you have each other for this."

You're going to talk (strife) with him later about the implications of that sentence. Though clearly it blew like wind right over John's head because he nods and closes his eyes. You rest your chin on the top of his head while staring at your brother. You don't want him making any wrong moves with John around.

He knows you’re tense, so he absconds to his room. John's breathing eventually steadies, though when it does he's fallen asleep. You carry him to your bed and put him under the covers. You make sure your brother isn't around, and you kiss his nose. He giggles in his sleep and changes position.

"When do you plan on telling him?"

You turn to see him standing in the doorway.

"Never, and you know that."

"You should. Look at how low you’ve come. It won’t matter if you tell him, even if he doesn’t feel the same."

"Then it won't matter if I don't tell him."

"Look," he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a red piece of paper," I found this on the couch when I came into the living room. I'm going to guess it fell out of his pocket because of this one." He pulls out another red paper. You read them both, trying hard not to lose your poker face.

No. John's gay? He would've told you.

"It's not me. I just...I'm just a little hurt. I also feel a little stupid for not noticing."

He walks over and stands in front of you.

"Go with him to school. Figure out who it is. Don't let John know."

He flashsteps out of the room, leaving the red post-it notes. John wasn't wearing a jacket which mean that they came from his pants pocket. You pick them up and stuff them into his right pocket, taking a guess in which one they were in. You see nothing wrong with maybe cuddling John. You’re tired.

Kind of.

You kick off your shoes and get under the covers with him. Both of you lying on your sides. He almost immediately moves towards you, since it’s a little chilly in your room during spring. He smiles and nuzzles against your neck.

You smile and let his hair tickle your nose. You wrap your arms around his waist and pull him as close as you can while kissing his forehead.

You've never stolen a kiss from his lips. You would only do that if he was awake or dead if you didn't get the chance while he was living. No matter how much they tempt you, you would feel guilty for stealing your best bro’s first kiss. Even if he was awake you wouldn't just want to surprise kiss him.

Now you'd be fine if he just came up out of nowhere and kissed _you._ Or if it naturally progressed into you kissing him. Though as soon as you did once you don't think you could ever stop.

It feels so nice being close like this, being able to feel his warmth, smell his scent, seeing his beautiful pale sleeping face, feeling his breath ghosting across your skin. God you want him to be yours.

It's one of your secrets that you actually find intelligence very, _very,_ attractive. John might be the most adorable thing you've ever laid eyes on but honestly, the smarts behind those looks is what really hooks you.

John sneezes in his sleep and you can't help but laugh. He snuggles up against your chest and your heart leaps. He's asleep, but he can still do this to you.

Soon enough though you fall asleep and have dreams about making out with John.

When John wakes you up and he's crying again, your shades are knocked at a weird ass angle but you don't care. He's seen your eyes before. For some reason he's obsessed with them.

Time to go back to comforting him. Through spooning.

No questions.


	3. You really like it. You really like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't pay attention to the tags then please pay attention here because I'd like to warn you that there are a few sadder sentences in here that have to do with suicide. So if you can't handle that for any reason then don't read. It's really really toned though it's nothing big about it but if you're not okay with the brief mentioning of it then like I said before:  
> DON'T READ.  
> Thanks. :)

_"John did you eat you vegetables during dinner like a good boy?"_

_"Yes mommy." You say nodding your head. Then she turns and picks up a plate with a slice of chocolate cake on it. Turning back to you she says," Well then you can have this delicious slice of chocolate cake!"_

_She bends over and hands the cake to you and once your holding it she picks you up and carries you into the other room. When you both sit down on the couch she turns on some movie that you don't really pay attention to._

_"When daddy gets home in a few minutes you two can probably play catch in the front yard if he isn't too tired."_

_You giggle and nod your head with a mouthful of cake. Then she leans over and rubs your chin and the corners of your mouth with a napkin._

_\------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

You wake up with a jolt in Dave's bed with Dave next to you. You're crying again and you really need him, though you do smile that his arms are around your waist. You've always found it kind of funny that Dave's a cuddler. Even if you guys accidentally fall asleep on the couch together you end up cuddling.

All you have to do is put a hand on his arm and he wakes up. This is one of the few times that you get to see his eyes because his shades are knocked a little askew. You love that they're red. You just love the color and the way that there are small flecs of orange closer to his pupils.

You're pretty sure he's still half asleep because he pulls you back down and starts spooning you.

You blush because you-you think you might...like this.

Well you know that you like the way he makes you feel. You know you like how close you both are, where you can feel his breath against the back of your neck, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, and the slow steady rhythm of his chest rising and falling.

It calms you and you stop crying. But another thing you think you might possibly like is... _HIM_.

Come to think of it you've always liked being really close with him, and how easily you can talk with him. Though when you first met you were a nervous wreck. But you always thought it was because you met only a few days after she left.

Even though phyically, and especially emotionally, you've never been closer with any of your friends that you've ever had. You just kinda have this special connection with him that you don't have with anyone else.

Like a few days ago, you were laid across Dave's lap and he was playing videogames with his arms on your belly. Yeah you liked that a lot. Or about a year ago when you both laid on the roof of the apartment building at night, and since it was spring it was chilly, so you were snuggled up against each other. Your head on his chest while lying on your side and his arms firmly placed around you. He did it to make you feel better and it worked.

It was a clear night and just beautiful. The stars had shined brilliantly despite the light pollution from the city. Though at your elevation you didn't have to worry about that as much because the street lights were so far below and any building really tall enough to cause a problem were buisnesses, with people who had long since gone home for the day.

You remember the way he made you feel that night and then you think back to the note. You're pretty sure they're right but now you're going to have to break someone's heart if you want to come out. Which you hate the idea of.

You were so engrossed in thinking about all the subtle hints that Dave has dropped over the years, (that you completely missed) that you didn't even realize he was talking to you.

"So do you want to?"

"I'm sorry I was zoned out I didn't even hear what you were saying."

"I was asking you if you wanted to go for a walk before the sun set for evening. After it does it gets chilly and then depending on how far we walked we would be freezing by the time we got back."

"Am I staying the night?"

"I just kinda figured you were, like you normally do if it was this time of the year for you and a weekend."

"Oh yeah today is Friday isn't it?"

"Yes it is. Now since we have that all sorted out. Do you want to?"

You love to go on walks with Dave. That's when he normally opens up most because he knows that it's just you two and strangers. So no fear of his brother hearing something Dave doesn't want him to.

"Yeah I'd love to."

Though when he starts to move to get up you stop him by asking," But can we stay like this for a few more minutes?"

He stiffens for a momment but then snuggles as close as he can, with the grip around you waist a little bit more firm, and his nose against the back of your neck. Instead of staying like that for a few more minutes, you end up staying like that for a few more hours.

By the time you both finally get up and actually go outside and start walking, it's dark. It's quiet between you two (and really just in general quiet). Though when you hear a strange noise, after you've been walking for a good twenty minutes, you jump and grab Dave's arm.

He slides his arm around your shoulders which reminds you about the night on the roof again. Remembering how it made you feel better about your mom. There's a smile on your face but you're crying. It's the perfect place between happiness and saddness.

Dave turns you both around and you start walking back to the apartment.

"Hey Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember last year around this time when what you did to make me feel better was take me up to the roof and we watched the stars?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to do it again."

"Do you want to do it again?"

"Well, that's kinda why I asked. I really liked it, and tonight it's really clear out like it was last year."

"You wanna do it tonight? Because we can."

"Yeah I kinda do..."

"Well then lets do it. Because I may or may not have really liked it too. It's makes me feel better knowing that you're not in agonizing pain."

"Yeah. Thanks, for everything you've done for me to help me get through this."

"Really John, you don't have to thank me or whatever because if you, on that first day of school in the seventh grade, hadn't seen through my poker face. I'm pretty sure that I would've comitted suicide like I had talked about doing at first. So if you wouldn't have stayed when I was being a dick to you. Then really I don't think I'd be here."

You stop and look at him under the pale yellow lamp light. You think you're on the verge of tears. Hearing about this always makes you cry. It did the first time more than ever but now, for some reason it hurts more than that. You hug him as tight as you can and he hugs back.

You endup up, somehow or another, getting a piggy back ride from Dave the rest of the way. You like the way you can feel the mucsles in his back tense whenever you rub your nose ligthly across the shell of his ear.

When you finally get there though you walk up the stairs for fear of both of you falling down them if you didn't. You walk into his apartment and he grabs a blanket for you two, then you both head up onto the roof.

It's about midnight but really you don't care because of how well you can see the stars and how surprisingly warm you are under this blanket. Though you may also be warm from the way that you're resting your head on Dave's chest, while lying on your side, and his arms firmly placed around you.

You really think you could get used to this. You really like it. You really like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know John doesn't like cake but you have to figure that there's a reason for him not liking it. In this case it's his mom loved to eat cake with him.


	4. Adventure Time

You wake up on the roof not even remebering falling asleep. Dave's chest is under your head and his breathing is slow and steady. You really do like this. For the longest time he has made you ever so confused; you didn't understand the feeling.

You do now. You do now, and you never want to let go. You now understand why he made your heartbeat fast, why he always managed to make you smile and feel better when even your dad couldn't, why you were okay with these few days that your mom left.

It all makes sense now. You've-you've _liked_ him the whole time.

You know you more than like him, but you don't know if you could put that word in there just yet.

You snap out of your thoughts when Dave starts petting your hair,"Comfy there John?"

It hadn't even occured to you that he might be awake. You don't care though, not like you said any of that out loud, so you nuzzle his chest a little and you hear his heart speed up. That confrims it. He feels that way about you.

He pulls your hair a little and says," I know your not asleep."

You forgot to answer him."Well I am pretty comfy," you say with a big smile on your face even if he can't see it.

"Do ya know what time it is?"

"Adventure Time." You pull out your phone and see 2 missed calls, 1 voicemail, and 4 unread messages. You can still see the time though.

"Real funny, but seriously what time is it?"

"Its 1:17." You go through and you read the texts first.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Dad: John are you spending the night with the Striders?**

**Dad: John are you all right?**

**Dad: I called Dave there was no answer are you boys okay? I'm going to try his brother.**

**Dad: You'll see these in the morning. It's okay I called Dave's brother so I know where you are. I'll talk with you later. Goodnight. Or I should say goodmorning since that's when you're going to read this.**

\----------------------------------------------------------------

You don't bother to listen to the voicemail because you see that they're from your dad. Your a little embarassed though that Bro saw you guys like that. Even if he came up here while you were awake you would still have been in the same position.

"What's up?"

"Oh? Nothing. I had a few texts from my dad."

"Come to think of it, we probably should've told him that you were staying the night."

_"No kidding."_

"What d'ya mean?"

"Umm..." You don't know if you should tell him. "Well my dad called your brother to figure out if I was spending the night or not and the only way that he would've known that we were here was to come up here. My dad didn't say anything about that in the texts but I'm guessing that's what happened."

Then the roof door opens, as if on cue, and Bro comes out.

"Sup you guys it's supposed to rain and because you both slept outside you'd get sick."

That's the most he's said to both of you at a time without a smirk on his face. Dave gets up and then picks you up. You don't need to be carried, but being close is nice. He carries you all the way down the stairs, into his room, and then drops you on the bed.

When he takes off his shirt you see that it's wet; then you notice that your wet too. You stand up and take you shirt off too.

Without words he hands you a pair of pajamas you left here by accident when you spent the night a few weeks ago. You take them and change quickly. Once you're both done you remember that it's Saturday.

You can't ask too just go on a walk now. You're both in pajamas, sitting on the couch playing videogames under a big comfy blanket, you're starting to feel all warm and fuzzy, and you were both just outside all night.

Wait a minute. Did 'you're starting to feel warm and fuzzy' end up on that list? Darn it you really thought you were getting a good hold on that.

Anyway the _blanket_ is warm and fuzzy, and Dave is warm, and you guys have given up on the videogames so you're just cuddling on the couch while watching Bro play the crappy game you both chose. Your eye lids are starting to drift close no matter what you do so you just stop fighting it. Sleep ingulfs you.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Apparently Bro fell asleep next to you two and you're the first to wake up. You manage to get Dave's arm off of you enough to grab your phone. It's 3:50.

Maybe if you start crying you guys can go on a walk.

Okay. Okay. Okayokayokayokayokay. Think mom.

You think about her and every happy memory with her that you can for the next 10 minutes but not a single tear. Maybe...you've gotten over it. Maybe Dave has helped you more than you thought was possible. There's with a doofy smile on your face for about 5 minutes until Bro starts to stir.

"What are you so happy about?"

“Nothing much. Just realizing something.” You seem to have piqued his interest because you see one of his eyebrows rise above his shades.

“Whatcha realize?” his tone is dead serious.  
  
You don’t want to just straight up tell him though, because you want Dave to be the first one to know. Then Bro and your dad can know.

“Just something about Dave,” you say looking at Dave and smiling.

“Listen, kid, don’t play with him. He cares about you.”

What? What does he mean by that?

“What are you talking about?”

“What are _you_ talking about?” he shoots back.

“Well I kinda wanted Dave to be the first one to know, but as long as I’m the first one to tell him...” you take a deep breath then continue after taking in his features. Whatever he's talking about, or rather whatever he thinks you're talking about. He's really serious,”I woke up thinking about my mom and it didn’t hurt. I was okay with it. I’ve accepted the fact that she’s gone and it’s all because of Dave.”

He smiles, not a smirk but smiles, and then gives you hug.

“What was that for?”

“I know it had to seem creepy but it’s a congrats hug on finally getting over your mom leaving.”

Then he stands up and flash steps out of the living room. Most likely to his room.You shake Dave awake because he had apparently fallen into a heavy sleep. After he reluctantly gets up you both go back into his room to change.  
  
“Hey Dave,” you say as you say as you wiggle out of your pajama pants.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
"Can we go on a walk? I have something important I need to talk to you about," you say while pulling up your pants.

"Sure."

Then you pull your shirt on over your head and sit down on his bed to put your shoes back on.  
  
Once you’re both outside Dave asks if he could choose where you walk to and you let him lead you. He won’t tell you where though, but you just passed your house so you think he might be taking you to the school.  
  
He couldn’t know about the note. Wait, could he?  
  
Maybe it is him! Oh crap how do you bring this up in a conversation? Wait, then why would he be taking you to the school to tell you that it was him, when he could just tell you now. Duh, because Dave doesn’t work like that. He has to do everything in a passive, non straight forward way, because no matter how cool he seems he’s actually really sensitive. Gosh, this is going to make coming out and telling him so much easier than you thought it was going to be!  
  
You let out a sigh of relief and smile, feeling a great weight being lifted off your shoulders! The knot in your stomach has been untied too. You feel so terrific and just light headed like at any moment you’re going to be whisked away by the wind!  
  
Well at least that’s how you felt until you get on the school campus. There’s a short black haired kid sitting on the steps. He stands up when he sees you two and the knot in your stomach is worse than ever.  
  
You know that old saying, cat got your tongue? Well right now it feels like the cat has stuck its paw down your throat, cut it off with its claws from about where your uvula is, and then ran away with it.  
  
Though as you get closer you recognize who it is. It’s the kid that sits behind you in math. He has black kind of spiky hair, his skin is almost gray, and his eyes are such a deep brown they’re almost black.  
  
 **Karkat Vantas.**


	5. Chapter 5

Oh god oh god oh god!!!!!!! Karkat Vantas?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
He’s the one who loves you? Well you’ve worked together on a lot of projects but you don’t really personally know him that well!!  
  
Why the hell does Dave seem so cool about all of this??!!!???!?!?!?!? How could he have known about the note??? Unless...  
  
Karkat and Dave talked!  
  
They arranged for you all to meet there and then you would all come out together! You hope that’s what happened at least.  
  
“Hey John,” he says a little bashful. You’ve never seen him be shy like this! Karkat is always the first person to stand up and say whatever he feels like, not caring about the consequences! This is also, the first time you’ve heard him talk without screaming. Holy crap!!!!!!!  
  
“Uh..hey Karkat.” You really just don’t know what to say.  
  
Then you hear another voice,” Hey Karka-”  
  
When they turn the corner you see a skinny boy with one eye blue one eye brown. His skin is pale and his hair is black. His bangs are brushing along the tops of his eyebrows.  
  
“Hey, I’m Sollux.” While he was talking you could tell that he was having trouble with the ‘s’ sounds. He probably used to have a lisp.  
  
“I’m John.” This is getting really uncomfortable and you can see the muscles in Dave’s arms tense. He’s really being protective of you. It makes you feel good.  
  
Karkat and Sollux look really uncomfortable, Not because of you though, it’s because of Dave.  
  
“You’ve got nothing to worry about. I’ll be straight forward about this, I guess.” He takes a deep breath before continuing,”I’m gay, so trust me I’m one of the last people you have to worry about. I came here with John because I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a prank. I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt.”  
  
HOLY CRAP!!!!! DAVE’S GAY!!!!!!!  
  
Well then at least it will be easier to come out to him now.  
  
“Oh, okay. Sorry,” Karkat replied to him sheepishly.  
  
“It’s all cool, bro. Just wanted to clear the air there. So kinda curious, you all know I’m gay how about you guys?”  
  
Sollux is the first to reply,” I am.”  
  
Then Karkat,” Yeah.”  
  
Then they’re all looking at you. You’re a little worried and sheepish about telling them, until you remember that they all just confessed to it. You’re among friends. You take a deep breath and take in their worrying faces.  
  
“So...so am I.” You start biting your lower lip a nervous habit that you’ve mostly gotten rid of except for things that are really stressful.  
  
There’s a long pause until Sollux says,” This is awkward as fuck.”  
  
“Yeah.” you agree nodding your head.  
  
“I for one don’t feel like holding it all inside anymore. How about you guys?” Dave asks.  
  
“I don’t want to either.” Karkat agrees, his voice rising in volume ever so slightly.  
  
“Yeah.” Sollux says joining in.  
  
You smile not giving them any reason to be worried and say,”Yeah."

You all sit there talking long after the sun goes down. At about 11 Sollux got a text saying he had to go home. You all exchanged phone numbers and then started walking home.  
  
You go separate ways in pairs. You and Dave towards your houses, and Karkat and Sollux going the opposite way to their houses.  
  
While walking it hits you that Karkat never said anything about loving you. You smirk at the thought of Karkat being afraid.  
  
Afraid. The word leads you to start thinking about your mom. Just like earlier, it doesn’t hurt.  
  
“Dave, I didn’t get the chance to tell you something that’s really important.” You both stop on the sidewalk. You bite your lip a little and you look at the ground. Briefly look up at him, then back down.  
  
“Earlier when I woke you up,” you look up at him,”I was thinking about my mom and well...It didn’t hurt. I didn’t want to cry. I was okay with it.”  
  
He’s smiling really big at you and it makes you feel pretty damn good knowing you’re the only one who gets to see it. “And it’s all because of you Dave.” You can’t stop smiling and you do the girliest thing ever.  
  
You jump from the balls of your feet and into his arms. Your arms are around his neck and his are around your waist. Both of your hearts are racing.  
  
You walk the rest of the way with his arm around your shoulders. You get to your house and as he walks you to the door he takes away his arm. When your dad opens the door he insists that it’s too late for him to be walking home alone so he spends the night.  
  
The last sleepover you’ll probably ever have once dad finds out. Cause if you’re dating it isn’t a thing that’s going to be happening. You head up to your room and you crash in the bed together. ****  
  
You’re both on your sides facing each other. His arms are around you waist again, your forehead is resting against his chest, and your legs are tangled together. He places a small kiss on your forehead and you giggle.  
  
You hadn’t bothered to take off your glasses yet but he’s taken off his shades. You scoot up just enough to do something that you’ve wanted to try for a while now. You hesitantly put your lips to his.  
  
\--------------------------------------------------  
  
You've never stolen a kiss from his lips, but now he has stolen one from yours. It’s a little sloppy, but you wouldn’t want it any other way. You feel blessed for being his first kiss. You feel blessed just being able to be close with him, but this is not just being blessed. It’s being blessed by Jesus, his twelve apostles, and every angel in heaven.  
  
Even though one is missing, and he’s right here in your arms kissing your lips.  
  
If this is what today brings you can’t wait for tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I'm so sorry I've been really busy lately but here's another chapter. I hope I haven't missed anything.

You wake up under the covers in your bed in Dave’s arms. You take in a deep breath and let it out in a little giggle on the neck.

“John?” His voice is worried.  
  
You look up at him and he seems really agitated. You wonder what he’s dreaming about. Well your is obviously in it. Though he starts crying.  
  
“Dave, get up.” you start whispering urgently. You have a feeling he isn’t having a dream, he’s having a nightmare.  
  
You shake him a little which gets him up. He looks at you, his eyes wide with both fear and, what seems like nonbelief. He hugs you tighter than you thought was possible.  
  
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
“Oh thank god, you’re alive. You’re alive.”  
  
“Of course I’m alive. I’m not going anywhere either.”  
  
“You better not.”  
  
You giggle and feel his arms relax a little.  
  
“Well I know I said I’m not going anywhere, but I’m hungry.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“Can we go eat?”  
  
“Maybe in a few minutes.”  
  
You nuzzle his neck and close your eyes. Only a few days earlier you thought you were straight. Well how wrong you were! Thinking about it though it really did make a lot of sense that you would fall for Dave. You guess you did kind of know it but maybe you just didn’t want to face it. You’ll go through and read your journal later to look for any possible signs of it.  
  
“C’mon, we have all day to cuddle. Let’s go get some food.”  
  
Of course you follow him and you both walk slowly down the steps to your kitchen. Your dad isn’t home which confuses you until Dave points out a note on the fridge door.

 

  
_“Son, I am visiting an old friend today. I won’t be back until late in the evening._

_Please don’t wait up for me it is a school night so you need plenty of sleep._

_Also David you’re spending the night here again tonight there is a clean change of clothes for today and for school tomorrow here on John’s dresser. Have a terrific day boys.”_

  
“Welp, my dad is gone for the day. So what do you want to do?” He just smirks at you and pulls you closer to him by the waist. After resting his forehead gently on yours he asks you with a light blush tinting his face,”John d-does this make us a thing? Or I guess I should be asking, does this make me your boyfriend?”  
  
You blush a little too. You actually hadn’t thought about it, buuuuuuuut.  
  
“Can this mean you’re my boyfriend?”  
  
“Yes, yes it can. It would make me very happy to be yours. Will you be mine? _”_

"Yes." With that he kisses you and you put your arms around his neck. Once you finally get some breakfast you decide on a day of playing some video games. Rayman Origins first because you love that game.

Actually what really ended up happening is you sitting in Dave’s lap while he played video games. He beat all of your high scores on almost all of your games and after a while when even he got tired of playing video games you turned on a movie.  
  
He said no, but then because he couldn’t think of anything to do, you won and you both got to watch P.S. I Love You. You sat in his lap the entire time and at the end Dave of course had to say something about the movie.  
  
“If I ever get a brain tumor believe me I will send you special messages.”  
  
“Oh shut up, Dave! That movie was really sweet.” He squeezes you a little and replies,”Yeah, you’re right it was.”  
  
“So what do you want to do now?”  
  
“You mean you aren’t going to make me watch Con-Air?” He asked with fake disbelief.  
  
“Dude I realized that movie sucked a while ago.”  
  
He chuckles and says,” Yeah I know.”  
  
You both sit in comfortable silence a long while before you realize that Dave’s fallen asleep. So you follow his lead and are about to go to sleep when your phone buzzes and you jump causing him to wake up. When you pull out your phone you look at the text.  
  
TA: hey john you and dave up for hangiing out today  
  
“Dave do you to hang out with Karkat and Sollux today?” He thinks about it for a few minutes before saying,”Sure.”  
  
EB: yeah where  
  
TA: out2iide the fourth wall  
  
EB: thats that store in the corner of the mall right  
  
TA: yeah now come on  
  
EB: k were on the way  
  
You wiggle your way out of Dave’s arms and stretch when you stand up. He stands up and starts heading up the stairs. You follow him up realizing you’re still in your clothes from yesterday. You both quickly change then start walking. It’s not that far from your house.  
  
“Egbert where we meetin’ them?”  
  
“Outside the Fourth Wall in the mall.”  
  
“Cool.” He slides an arm around your waist and pulls you a little closer to him. You can’t help the derpy smile you give in response. You’re glad that you can call Dave your boyfriend.  
  
***  
  
You’re glad you can call John your boyfriend. You’ve wanted to for so long. He’s yours now and your his. The derpy smile he has on his face almost makes you want to break your facade and smile with him. Of course you don’t though because Striders never break facade. Especially in public.  
  
You squeeze a little getting a light blush out of him. His blue eyes such an amazing contrast from his black eyelashes. You can’t believe that you hadn’t noticed before. You hadn’t gotten a chance to be this close before though.  
  
You finally have something, someone to be content with. Someone who you can turn to. Even though you already did turn to him, but now a lot of the problems you’ve been having before are gone. Most of it was just frustration at not being able to tell John how you felt.  
  
There is still one thing on your mind though and that’s Karkat Vantas. He has feelings for John and is probably going to get really fucking pissed really fucking quickly when he finds out that this pushed you two together. You have to be prepared for it. You’ve seen this guy get pissed before and it isn’t pretty. Karkat Vantas. The one person that you can’t thank enough, but at the same time can’t hate enough because you know he’s going to try to take John.  
  
You aren’t letting go of John. You aren’t going to give him up this soon or ever. Karkat might prove to be a problem. You’ll find a way. You always manage to make it out of things like this. Your brother trained you, he prepared you. With years of smuppets, Lil Cal, and shitty swords around every turn. Now there’s a lot more at stake than your sanity though.  
  
You’re at the casino that is your heart and right now Karkat knows all of your cards.


End file.
